and the whispers keep coming
by gooseberrie
Summary: 'the first time someone calls you fat, you're six years old.' 4th in a series of freeverses. Puck/Lauren. TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM/CUTTING.


_the fourth one! just so you know, i'm going away with my school for a week, so i won't be able to post anything until friday afternoon GMT, but i will try and get a few done today before i leave! just... stick with it, i hope! this one was pretty interesting for me to write, it's **puck x lauren**, but is mostly from **lauren**'s point of view. i don't know if i got lauren a bit **OOC, **but she hardly gets much screen time, and i always thought there was something going on underneath that tough shell of hers. hope you like it!_

_TRIGGER WARNING: SET AROUND A THEME OF SELF HARM. nothing too graphic, but if it is a trigger for you, please, **please **don't read it. i value your safety above reading my poem. _

_spoilers: 2.09 (Special Education) for lauren existing as a larger character and not just an extra, possibly 2.18 (Born This Way) for lauren being involved in beauty pageants, but it's not really a big spoiler, is it? _

_disclaimer: me no own. you know the drill._

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><p><span>the first time someone calls you fat<span>

_**you're six years old.**_

:it's after another pageant:

_f u l l o f pin-thin g i r l s_

**girls with blonde hair and blue eyes and pretty smiles**

you place over them, of course

(_but it's not enough_)

to w i p e the memory of that b r a t

*face screwed up, eyes filled with _hatred_*

'well at least i fit clothes that aren't made for **pregnant women**'

**.o0o.**

/it only gets **worse**/

as you pass through [middle school], [freshman year]

:people don't say things to your face:

**you scare them**

(_but you hear the whispers, when they think you're not listening_)

{and they get to you}

_there's no questioning that _

-they are what have brought you here-

to your white tiled bathroom

***razor on the counter***

d r i p p i n g

_with your blood_

:and god, it feels good:

_**so, so good**_

**.o0o.**

[junior year]

_it starts off the same as every other_

**and then Noah Puckerman strolls into your life**

(no, that makes it sound too romantic)

:you _pulled _him into your life:

*you didn't give him a choice*

{and now, looking back, you're _**so glad **_you didn't}

_at first, your relationship is nothing serious_

+**m i d g a m e**+

no-one expects you to last

_and the whispers keep coming_

_**you keep cutting**_

**.o0o.**

-it all changes, on a hot July day, summer before senior year-

_he wants to know why you won't come to the pool party_

**he wants to know why you never show your arms in public**

he wants to know so much, he's asking **too **_**much.**_

'_fuck off, Puckerman, it's none of your business'_

'_fuck yes, it's my business, you're my __**girlfriend**__!'_

before you know what's happening

_**his hands are on your sleeves, pulling them up**_

_it's out in the open, now._

{those _beautiful_**ugly **scars}

(_there's a sharp intake of breath_)

'_**fuck, Lauren.'**_

_yes, that's about right._

**.o0o.**

that's the thing, you see, about Noah Puckerman.

_he has a different approach to things._

**normally, he's prone to violence**

(but he doesn't _**force **_you to go to the shrink)

[_he asks you if you want to go_]

-he says he wants you to go, wants you to get better-

=and it's the first time you've ever heard that much sincerity in his voice=

_**so you go**_

_**to the s h r i n k**_

**you get help**

_it's not e a s y_

**but you begin to let yourself hope**

**.o0o.**

five years down the line

(you look at the m a r r i a g e r i n g on your finger)

_you smile at the way it _

**t o u c h e s**

_it's twin, resting on another, more tanned hand beneath it_

**that familiar voice**

{whispers near your ear}

'_you're gorgeous, Lauren, don't you ever forget that.'_

**you haven't cut since you graduated high school.**

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><p><em>so... i hope you liked it! i don't know where <strong>puck x lauren <strong>has been all my life, but i see the fact that the pairing name is **luck **to be an omen... of an amazing pairing! although my heart remains with **puck x quinn**, i now see the appeal of **pizes.** please review and tell me **your** thoughts - reviews make my day! :)_


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